Do You Conform?

Are you unique or do you conform? We recognize and are taught at a young age that it can be much easier and beneficial to fit in. Nobody picks on you, your parents are happy you’re not getting in trouble, and you don’t stand out as being different.

Parents help mold their kids to fit in and to conform. They tell you, you can’t wear that because it does not look right and you can’t do that because that’s not the way things are done. So we see our kids beginning to conform, not making decisions for themselves but making decisions based on what others think! As a result they do not express their unique talents but rather suppress them to fit in. And so it begins!

If you are doing what it takes to fit in, when can you be yourself and when do you go too far? Do you ever lose sight of who you are in order to be someone who fits in better? Where and when do you draw the line to stop following others in order to belong? Are kids who live this life the ones you read about who got in trouble because they where just following someone else? They are just doing what everyone else is doing!

Adults can also put themselves in embarrassing or bad situations so they can be with the right crowd or they won’t speak up because no one else has (if you are 1st then you stand out – how uncomfortable!). Let’s go to extremes to prove a point. Let’s look at the people form Johannessburg who committed suicide as a group because they where told to or the old lynch mobs who went as a group to hang someone or the mobs who destroyed downtown LA because of a court ruling. What did they all have in common – a leader who started it and followers who needed to belong and needed someone to follow!

What I am saying is it is usually easier to follow the crowd but you can be so much more by going against the norm and being YOU – the genuine you! Thinking for yourself and making your own decisions! Not worrying what the others will think about you but following your core feelings deep in your gut! E.E. Cummings said it well,“The hardest battle in life, is to be nobody but yourself, in a world that is working night and day to make you like everybody else.”

When you lose sight of who you are and the choices you know are right in order to fit in and belong, you then give up on who you are and what you believe in. Is it worth belonging if you have to compromise on your beliefs? Is it worth training your kids to conform if it means hindering who they are? My own best friends, the ones I can always count on, are a result of me being me! As Dr. Suess so profoundly put it, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

Some of the greatest discoveries happened because of individuals who did not go with the crowd but against it. Some of the most famous people in history who have contributed to society where laughed at for being different and not conforming.

People who said the world was not flat but round, people who said the planets did not revolve around the Earth but revolved around the sun instead, or light does not have to come from fire but can come from a thing called a bulb. Of course, let’s not forget our forefathers who rebelled against the British, at the risk of death because of their beliefs and willingness to act against the norm!

I am sure you can come up with many more stories but the fact is we move forward as a society because people stay true to themselves and follow their belief in who they are rather then conform and listen to what they are told they should be. The reality is you feel at peace with yourself when you are not putting on a front but when you are being you!

So the following quote is about being unique and going against the crowd to be all you can be, to put your own mark on this world and to make a difference!

“Kites rise highest against the wind – not with it.” ~ Winston Churchill

Have a great weekend and hears to swimming up stream against the current!!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. – “Helping Reconnect Families”
www.SingleParentPower.com
www.SingleParentPower.com/Blog
www.blogtalkradio.com/Single-Parent-Power
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” – Albert Einstei

Why can’t we understand our kids?

This week we are going to touch on what it takes to understand.  The route to understanding is through the use of effective communication and through connection with others. What do I mean by this?

To understand someone, first you have to be able to effectively communicate with them. One good way to do this is through the use of active communication. Active communication, in a nut shell, occurs when the listener places his/her full attention on the speaker and then repeats back what he/she heard to confirm that the speaker and the listener are both on the same page with what was said and what was heard.

The second component to understanding someone, is related to your connection with them.  Why is connection so important?  Because without it you lose a huge chunk of the opportunity to fully understand!  Have you ever been “listening” to someone and find yourself thinking about something “more important”?  How does that make you feel in relation to the other person who is speaking?  How do you think the speaker feels when they realize you are not really paying attention to them? What do you feel when this happens to you? Do you feel connected?

Instead of connection you get separation!   So we now know a great way to help connect us with someone is to give our full attention to the person speaking and use active communication to hear what they are saying, you need to be interested in what they are conveying and you need to then repeat back what you heard to confirm it is what was said and meant. Then the same process occurs when the roles are reversed.

How does this work with our kids?  A great place to start is to not only take the time to listen and be interested in what they have to say and share, but to also go to the place they are in now.  Read the books they are reading, listen to the music they are listening to, watch the shows they watch and do the things they like to do.  This way when the conversations begin you are in their space and can relate on a much higher plain then if you just talk from a disconnected position.  I believe we have all been in this place when we try to talk with our kids and they know we don’t get it and so they no longer are interested in talking with us – we just created a disconnect.

Now, because you have taken the time to do what they do, you can ask them questions or discuss their opinions from a place of understanding and yet it does not necessarily have to be in agreement.  Disagreement can make for some interesting conversations and a better understanding of each others point of view. Amazing things happen when you get down to your kids levels, do what they like and then be able to talk to them about it.  You are showing them that you care about them, you want to understand them and you want to be a part of their world too.

This my friend creates connection and allows your relationship with your kids to go to the next level. What we are talking about does not only apply to your kids but also applies to life in general.  When you take the time and interest to connect with any one you will see the difference this makes in that relationship; whether a family member, someone you are dating, married to or someone you work with – getting connected makes a huge difference!

With this in mind here is our Quote of the Week:

“Understanding is a two-way street.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

So this week our challenge to you is to take your relationship to the next level with your kids and start doing the things they do and see how your relationship blossoms.

If you are already doing this, that is fantastic! Think on what you can do to take it to another level?

Please forward this to anyone who can benefit from what we are sharing and we would love to get your feedback on how this has changed your relationships by email at info@SingeParentPower.com!

Have a wonderful week and stay connected!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. – “Helping Reconnect Families”
www.SingleParentPower.com
SingleParentPower.com/Blog
www.blogtalkradio.com/Single-Parent-Power
Follow me on Twitter at:  www.twitter.com/RonDilbert

rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
479-935-3986 – Arkansas Office
516-355-1552 – New York Office

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” – Albert Einstein

Fourth of July – What’s It All About?

Tomorrow is the 4^th of July – Independence Day for Americans and a great time for reflection.  Whether you agree with the conflicts we are currently engaged in or not, we have our soldiers fighting there.  These are men and women who volunteered to defend our country and to fight for what this country was built on – freedoms.  These are our men and women, our sons and daughters; they are husbands and wives, and mothers and fathers.

Our soldiers are leaving behind families to serve and to protect us.  They risk their lives every day for a war that they did not decide upon.  These are the true heroes of our time.  These are the continuing line of soldiers who give everything, including their lives, for this country and for us.  These are the soldiers who leave behind their loved ones even with the uncertainty of when, and if, they will return. Then upon their return must be able to leave behind what they experienced and saw in combat so they are able to make that adjustment back to being a husband, wife, and parent.  Our men and women now have the highest suicide rates because of what is being asked of them not to mention all the challenges they face when returning from combat.

So what I would ask every one of you to do this 4^th of July is to think not of the politics of war but of the men, women and families of the military and what they are sacrificing for us.  To take a moment and really think of all the veterans and what sacrifices have been made over the years.

Next time you are walking down the street or at the airport and you see a veteran, take that moment to thank them for all that they do for us.  See what a difference that makes for them.

Have a great, safe 4^th of July and let’s remember why we are celebrating.  It is not about the fireworks, the BBQs and the gatherings.  It is about remembering why we have the most freedoms of any country in the world and what sacrifices were made to achieve and retain them! Remember the veterans who came back with missing limbs, mental challenges and sometimes in a coffin – leaving their families behind to go on alone!  This holiday let’s go back to the basics and remember why we celebrate this holiday and let’s support our GIs!

In keeping with SPP tradition, here are some quotes for the holiday;

“Freedom is never dear at any price. It is the breath of life. What would a man not pay for living?” ~ Gandhi

“All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope”. ~ Winston Churchill

“Then join hand in hand, brave Americans all! By uniting we stand, by dividing we fall.” ~ John Dickinson

“One flag, one land, one heart, one hand, One Nation evermore!” ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

“We stand for freedom. That is our conviction for ourselves; that is our only commitment to others. ” ~ John F Kennedy

“Freedom is the oxygen of the soul” ~ Moshe Dayan

“Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved.” ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. – “Helping Reconnect Families”
www.SingleParentPower.com
SingleParentPower.com/Blog
www.blogtalkradio.com/Single-Parent-Power
Follow me on Twitter at:  www.twitter.com/RonDilbert

rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
479-935-3986 – Arkansas Office
516-355-1552 – New York Office

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” – Albert Einstein

What is Father’s Day about?

Happy Father’s Day to you for being the best Dad (and for the Mom’s who have to also be a Dad)!

Father’s Day is great time to reflect on what a Father is and how you affect your kids. It is a time to reflect on all the great gifts you do have in your life. Father’s Day is a time to watch your kids and see you in them and also see them for the unique individual they are. It is the time to enjoy the adults you are molding and to enjoy the changes that are taking place.

Here are some quotes that inspired me and helped me to be the best Dad I could. May they inspire you too to continue be the Dad you are meant to be!

• “Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever.” ~ Unknown

• “He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.” ~Clarence Budington Kelland

• “Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance.”
– Ruth E. Renkel

• “A man’s children and his garden both reflect the amount of weeding done during the growing season”. — Unknown

• “By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” – Charles Wadsworth

“One night a father heard his son pray: Dear G-d, make me the kind of man my daddy is. Later that night, the father prayed: Dear Lord make me the kind of man my son wants me to be.” – Anonymous

“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.” – Jim Valvano

We at Single Parent Power want to wish you a very happy Father’s Day. We trust you will create a very special day and hope our little contribution will help add to that!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. – “Helping Reconnect Families”
www.SingleParentPower.com
SingleParentPower.com/Blog
www.blogtalkradio.com/Single-Parent-Power
Follow me on Twitter at: www.twitter.com/RonDilbert
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
479-935-3986 – Arkansas Office
516-355-1552 – New York Office

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” – Albert Einstein

Is this hard times or opportunity times?

I know plenty of people are being challenged in all aspects of life in this time of “scarcity”. I know I am! All the papers, magazines, news broadcasts on radio and TV are all continuously telling us about how bad things are!

Every where we look we are reminded how bad things are. We hear about GM filing bankruptcy, Chrysler being sold to Fiat, AIG having problems again and it goes on and on! We all know someone who has lost a job or is worried about losing it, people who have lost retirement savings in the market and again it goes on and on.

So why am I talking about what we already know to ad nauseam? Because we can be led by the media into self sabotage. What do I mean you ask? How do we feel after we hear about the major problems in our economy and how record number of people are being foreclosed on, filing bankruptcy, etc. We file like crap! Why? Because we are being inundated with negatives that drag us down. Then we start buying into it and the cycle perpetuates.

Yet, there are people succeeding and doing well in this economy! But how can that be? Could it be that they are just lucky? In the right place at the right time? It just fell in their laps? Or could it be that in this time of the “sky is falling” they saw and grabbed onto opportunities that still exist? Could it be that they did not buy into the news but instead looked for these opportunities and created their own reality?

Is this not an opportunity to erase all the selfishness and greed that has brought us to this place by replacing it with a desire to contribute and help each other? Does a tidal wave not start as a small wave that builds to large proportions? Does it not feed on the momentum of all the smaller waves? Hasn’t change occurred because of a small group of people initiated it?

So let’s start that movement to the place of unity instead of separation. Let’s work together to help each other get back on our feet and to right this country! Let’s no longer allow the greedy and self centered few to destroy our lives and the lives of the people we care about!

What would happen if we stopped listening to the media and started creating our own realities. What would happen if we started helping each other? What would happen if we decided that this is an opportunity to walk the path we where destined to?

Let’s move toward action and success. Let’s watch the changes occur as we create rather then destroy! Let’s create our own reality that helps us and others at the same time! Let’s learn from others mistakes and make great choices versus self centered, greed choices. Let’s create the reality we wish. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Have a great day and go create!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. – “Helping Reconnect Families”
www.SingleParentPower.com
www.SingleParentPower.com/Blog
www.blogtalkradio.com/Single-Parent-Power
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” – Albert Einstein

What Is Communication?

What is communication and why is it so important? Well then – let me ask what is the number one reason given for people getting divorced? “They” say that it is money. That is a half truth. I strongly feel that it is the lack of communication with regard to money that causes the problems and ultimately the divorce.

I say it is the couple struggling financially when the wife goes out and buys another pocketbook without talking with her husband or the husband who buys more golf clubs without talking with his wife. You rationalization that it is OK because it was a huge sale, however your partner is saying you don’t need yet another pocketbook or golf club and you’re spending our money without talking about it.

We can all picture what happens next – right? It really does not matter who starts the ensuing argument and fight that follows. We have all seen, heard of or have been a part of one of these lack of communication fights. Why do they happen? They happen because the mentality is the same as if each were single. I make this money so I can buy this or I work hard so why shouldn’t I get this. we will discuss the money side of relationships in an upcoming blog.

The ensuing problem arrives because you are NOT single (but may very well be sooner then later if you keep this behavior up!). I believe if you are divorced you can relate to this to one degree or another and learn from it for the future. This goes for people in any serious relationship.

A relationship is based on trust and communication. Trust being that you respect and think of the other person or persons involved (spouse, children, partner, etc.) and will not do something that hurts them. Communication being that you are able to discuss anything openly and being comfortable confiding in the other. It is important to work on getting to a point where both of you can discuss anything without getting angry or judging what is being said. This means not just being able to say what you need to say but actually being in a conversation where you are also listening and being active about it.

So that leads us into what is active communication? It is NOT doing what most people believe communication is – saying what you have to say and then listening to the other person until a point is made that you want to reply to or have a thought about it. At this point you start putting together your thoughts and have just tuned out the other person and the rest of what they had to say. Some times we even assume that we know what they are going to say and interrupt them to “save time”. How many of you have even done that, or better yet have had that done to you? How does that make you feel? Yet we do it all the time – in our relationships, with our children, with friends.

Why is it so hard to just listen and let the other person say what is on there mind? To put it simply – we live in a world of instant gratification and do not want to wait but need to form our thoughts NOW! The problem: The mind is made to do one thing at a time (especially if you are a guy because that is our wiring), even though sometimes we feel like we are doing 30 things at once. So when we click into think mode then we click out of listen mode. Go ahead and think back to when this happened to you.

What about our kids? Everyone talks about how important communication is to keep kids out of trouble. And we do train our kids well. For instance, when we ask our kids why they did something and interrupt them because we think we know what they are going to say or because we are angry and don’t want to wait for them to finish.

So we are training them – training them to NOT speak with us. Why should they, if when they do we cut them off and make them feel like we are not really listening or we get angry. At a recent workshop I gave for Single Parents and teens I asked the parents how many thought that they where having effective communications with their teens. Do you know the result? All of them! This is pretty much what I get when that question is asked. Then I asked the teens how many feel that their parents take the time and actually hear them when they talk. What do you think that result was? You got it – all of them! Do you see any disparity here?

So how do we fix this canyon of separation? It is simple but not easy. Simple that you have to practice, like creating any other habit. It takes patience and remembering that you didn’t learn to drive a car in one day and now you hopefully are a good driver (otherwise let me know when you are on the road s I can get off). You have been using your communication, or lack thereof, for all these years so it takes time and it takes being conscious and present when communicating.

What I mean is you stay focused on what you are doing in that moment. If you are speaking then focus on what you are saying and think how it will land with the person you are talking with so you can present it the way you want and have it received the way you want. If you are listening then do not start thinking of your response but rather focus intensely on hearing every thing that persons says. That shows you are interested and respect what that person is saying.

You will find that you will better comprehend what the other person is saying and they of you. You will begin to notice that people will want to speak with you and each of you will be better understood. You will also find those miscommunications that seem to happen so often will now be very infrequent.

This is a big step forward. There are other tools that we will talk about at another time. This will give you time to get proficient at this so that the other things are more effective.

So really if there was meaningful, effective and mutual communication then as a couple or a family you can work on this and other challenges.

May this help reconnect and bring you closer to the people in your life!

So go out and start using this and I look forward to your comments on how this works for you!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. – “Helping Reconnect Families”
www.SingleParentPower.com
SingleParentPower.com/Blog
www.blogtalkradio.com/Single-Parent-Power
Follow me on Twitter at: www.twitter.com/RonDilbert
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” – Albert Einstein

Divorce Court – Fair?? Let’s bring it all together!

Sooooo what have we learned from these last few posts? Could it be that we are being bullied into the court rooms and losing more then we could possibly gain? Could it be that after we are finished, that neither party is satisfied and a rift is created between the two ex partners. Could it be that the lawyers make a lot of money from this process? The answers to these questions more times then not is a resounding YES!!

As we have seen – there are a tremendous amount of biases in the court system and lawyers who can twist and manipulate the truth so it becomes unrecognizable. So what happened to the courts that create situations where there is little or no justice and how can we fix it? Why don’t the judges and lawyers get fully trained on how divorce cases are very different then criminal cases?

We all saw how the courts handled the different scenarios I have written about. What I shared is such a small percentage of the cases but representative of the results. So what do we do if the lawyers and courts do not take care of us or our children? Who protects our kids then? Who protects our rights?

So what can we do? First there are alternatives to getting divorced in court – you can either use a recommended quality mediator (mediates between both partners) or you can go through a Collaborative Divorce process (involves many more people, including lawyers) outside of court.

We will discuss these in more detail in another blog and also on our Blog Talk Radio Show (www.blogtalkradio.com/Single-Parent-Power). The three basic choices are Mediation, Collaborative Divorce and finally the confrontational atmosphere of the court system. These choices requires time to explain so we can discuss and compare them in detail.

Secondly, know your rights. Be willing to do research on the law and your options; and be willing to be in control of any proceedings. I hear all the time that the lawyer is doing this or that and that I am intimidated by him or her. This is your life and your kids, not the lawyers! You need to get advice but you make the decisions.

If you get along with your ex, why shouldn’t you want to talk to work things out? If the documents that are drawn up by the lawyer are not accurate or do not say what you want it to say, then have the lawyer change it! My lawyer used to say who is the lawyer here and I would reply, who is the one who signs and lives with what is written on the papers? After all is said and done, the lawyer walks away and you, your kids and your ex have to live with the outcome. So listen to your attorney or mediator AND also take an active role in the process.

Thirdly, get referrals for attorneys and mediators. You do not want to play the game of hit or miss with your lives. Check them out and see how they handle divorces, how long they usually take to settle a divorce, what their references say, and notice how you connect and feel with them. Interview them, just like any one else looking for a job.

Fourthly, try to think of all the possible scenarios and address them in your paperwork. Whenever you are making decisions, be rational and think of what is best for your kids. Too often our emotions take over and we either fall apart or we are more interested in getting even or for pay back rather then being equitable and doing what is right by your kids.

If we as parents learn to communicate with each other, we can work things out with out it costing the college fund or camp fund or whatever fund that gets thrown away during a drawn out divorce. I know of people who spent over $100K to end up with almost the exact agreement they had talked about before the lawyers got involved.

For the events that happen after the divorce is completed – that is when all that extra thought that went into the final agreement pays off. This can give you the leverage to accomplish what needs to be done without all the drama that can normally come about.

Now we can not always think of everything, but we can think of a lot more then is normally put in the final agreement regarding your divorce, custody and visitation. In this way there is little left to interpretation and expectations and the parents have an opportunity to work together for the better good of your children. Let’s start coming together to make change with the way the system is run. Slowly things are beginning to happen – like some states requiring mediation before divorce proceedings begin in the courts.

If you are interested in making a difference or if you have a story to share, please email me at rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com. I look forward to hearing from you! If you want me to use your name, please just let me know.

Until next time – continue to create the parent you want to be and continue to be the best parent you can be in that moment!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert Single Parent Power, Inc. – “Helping Reconnect Single Parent Families”

www.SingleParentPower.com

www.SingleParentPower.com/Blog

www.blogtalkradio.com/Single-Parent-Power rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com

516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” – Albert Einstein

Happy Holidays 2008!

Both myself and my staff wish you and your family a very Happy and Enjoyable Holiday Season! This is a great time of year to reflect on all the good things that has made us feel good, has put a smile on our face and have been a blessing to you and the people you care for! Now is a great time to be thankful for all the gifts given us through the past year and to start creating what we will like to come to be in 2009!

So often we spend so much time looking at what “bad” things have happened over the past year and sometimes even beyond and forget or give much less attention to the good things that have touched our lives. The friends who where there just when they where needed the most, the family members who put that extra touch on a holiday or birthday, your son or daughter who makes you feel extra special. There are so many good things that happen to us and yet how many of us keep reliving the bad things and loss sight of the good?

So please take this time to remember the small and large events that have had a positive impact on your life this year and take the time to thank the people who are important in your life and have made a difference to you.

We at Single Parent Power wish you all a fantastic, fun and safe holiday with the people who care about you and who make a difference in your life! May your life be blessed with family and friends and may the New Year bring health, happiness and abundance!

As is our custom I will close with some great holiday quotes:

“We have focused on the miracle-thing and I think we often overlook the message of Hanukkah. To me, the core of the holiday is the cleaning of the temple…. The accomplishment was in restoring the temple to the purpose for which it was built. Now think of the temple as a symbol. Perhaps it represents my life. The world has tried to use me for its own (perhaps good, but none-the-less extrinsic) purposes. But now I can rededicate myself to my own original purpose.” ~Ralph Levy

“The darkness of the whole world cannot swallow the glowing of a candle.” ~Robert Altinger

“Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” ~Chinese Proverb

“Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.” ~Richard Lewis

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” ~Dr. Seuss

“Christmas gift suggestions:
To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect.”
Oren Arnold
“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” ~Author unknown, attributed to a 7-year-old named Bobby

Enjoy family, friends and all that you do have in your life today – in this moment!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. – “Helping Reconnect Families”
www.SingleParentPower.com
www.SingleParentPower.com/Blog
www.blogtalkradio.com/Single-Parent-Power
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” – Albert Einstein

Thanksgiving Message

Now is the time of year when we all think of all the turkey we will be eating and the great desserts we will be finishing at our feasts. We make decisions on who will be hosting the celebration this year (if you are lucky enough to have family and friends to share with, the money to have a feast and the job to feel good about spending that money). What about the families who have none of these? What about the struggling families? If they do not have a big feast but celebrate what they do have and the fact they are together – are they any less thankful? Or maybe even more? Something to think about.

This Thanksgiving gives us a reminder and an opportunity to step back and take inventory. We in our society are so ready and eager to look at what we don’t have, what other people have or what we “should” have but don’t. In this economy with so many people in trouble financially, losing their homes and their life savings – it is important to look at the people in our lives that make a difference!

We become jealous of people who have more then us, who have the “toys” we want or who have what is in vogue this year. Who’s doing what and who is not? How can we possibly be happy if we are always looking outward from our selves to feel fulfilled?

Thanksgiving is a reminder to each and every one of us – time to take account of what we do have! What do we really have in our lives to be grateful for? What are we taking for granted and who? When is the last time you said thank you to someone who has made or does make a difference in your life? When is the last time you looked at what you do have and was thankful that you have it in your life or that person in your life?

I think all we really need to do is watch the news and see the starving children who have no food and are so thin you can see their ribs, as well as the rest of their bones! How about the pictures of people after 9-11 who lost loved ones – spouses and parents! How lucky are we to still have our family and friends in our lives! What are material things when we let them become the thing that defines who and what we are?

How often have you said to yourself if I only had this I would be happy? When this happens I will feel better? How long have you been waiting to be happy and feel better? When we are happy where we are now then anything else we receive later is an added blessing. When we live for things we don’t possess then we are creating our feelings and thoughts based on what is out of our control.

I am thankful for so many things in my life – my son, my family, my fiancé, what I do and the way I help Single Parent Families and so much more! What are you thankful for in your life? – right now!

We at Single Parent Power wish you and the people who mean so much to you a happy and enjoyable Thanksgiving!

And let’s not forget the usual meaningful holiday quotes!

“Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow.” ~Edward Sandford Martin

He who thanks but with the lips
Thanks but in part;
The full, the true Thanksgiving
Comes from the heart.
~J.A. Shedd

“Thanksgiving is possible only for those who take time to remember; no one can give thanks who has a short memory.” ~Author Unknown

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it” ~William Arthur Ward

“G-d gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say ‘thank you?”’” ~William A. Ward

“Some people complain because G-d put thorns on roses,
while others praise Him for putting roses among thorns.”
Anonymous

“We can always find something to be thankful for, and there may be reasons why we ought to be thankful for even those dispensations which appear dark and frowning.” ~Albert Barnes

“Who does not thank for little will not thank for much.” –Estonian Proverb

“You say, ‘If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied.’ You make a mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if it were doubled.” –Charles Haddon Spurgeon

And lastly … “An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” ~Irv Kupcinet

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. – “Helping Reconnect Families”
www.SingleParentPower.com
www.SingleParentPower.com/Blog

rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” – Albert Einstein

The Divorce Court System – Fair ??? Part III

In our last few blogs you got to hear some of my horror stories, as well as another Dad that I coach. Now that you have had the pleasure of hearing what has happened to some of the Dad’s I believe it is time to give the Moms a chance. After all, this amazing tales are not unique to just Dads! So this week you can hear some of these remarkable stories. There will still be no names so the innocent are always protected.

These stories have definitely been raising eye brows and it boggles my mind that other Single Parents have gone through the same or similar “trials” – excuse the pun. Unfortunately these stories happen all to often. So let’s share two more of a Moms woes.

The first “horror” story of this blog, takes place in a state we like to call California, because everyone else calls it that. A friend of mine is currently battling the court system to get her children back. You see, her ex, who by the way has been found to be abusive by the same court system, got mad at her and filed an abuse charge. Child Welfare swooped in and took the kids to protect them.

So what do they do – of course, they give them to the Dad! Now that makes perfect sense (sarcasm there!). When she went to talk with the person in charge she was told they can’t talk to her because she is the “abusive Mom”. So unverified charges keep the parent and children separated until they “get around” to investigating it.

Now I do not have a problem in protecting our children BUT do we do it by putting them in harms way? Do we do it by taking weeks or months, sometimes years to make a finding?

I remember a case in Florida where these two children were playing on the playground and fell. The parents took them to the doctor who treated them and the next day they went to school. You probably can guess where this is going!!

The school noticed the bruises and reported it to Child Welfare. They came charging in and took the children from their parents. The parents went to their doctor and he wrote a note that this was not abuse but the children had fallen while playing.

It only took over a YEAR to get their children back. During this time they where allowed one visit a week with their children … supervised and for only one hour! Now how assenine is our system? I say “our” system because we do not speak out enough!! We as Single Parents have a huge voice to be reckoned with, when united!

Watch in the near future for an announcement of something VERY BIG we are doing to address this and other Single Parent issues!!

The next tale is about a young lady who tried to do the right thing and got burned by the judicial system in all it’s glory! She had custody of her son and when she lost her job and was having a hard time making ends meet, she approached her ex, who lived near by.

She asked if she could let their son live with him while she got back on her feet. Now that does sound like a level headed decision – one where the child comes first.

After getting a new job and then a new apartment she asked for her son back and the answer was NO!

So what do most people do – immediately rush to court to have a neutral 3rd party make a “fair” decision. Not only did the court side with the father but based the decision on faulty information. You see the witnesses that she had that came up to testify where accused of all types of unsubstantiated things. The ex’s lawyer made up stories and blatantly lied. Now, of course the court would definitely check out the two sides of the story to see who was telling the truth and who was lying – right?

Nah, why bother. After all – it is just a few lives. The court kept custody with the Father because they said the Mother had no family nearby. She only had almost her entire family within 20 miles of her.

Then it gets even better – for the Dad! The Mom runs out of money and can no longer fight AND the judge allows the Father to move with the child over 1,000 miles away! So much for the value of keeping families together for the best interest of the child.

In our next blog I will wrap all this up into a neat little package.

Until then, remember you are the best parent you can be in that moment!!

With Love, Peace and Power,

Ron Dilbert
Single Parent Power, Inc. – “Helping reconnect Single Parent Families”
www.SingleParentPower.com
www.SingleParentPower.com/Blog
rdilbert@SingleParentPower.com
516-355-1552

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” – Albert Einstein

PR: wait… I: wait… L: wait… LD: wait… I: wait… wait… I: wait… L: wait… C: wait… SD: wait…